Step 23

What is love?

“What is Love?” It is a big question! Most twisted word in the world is “Love”. Let us see what it is! If you observe yourself in relationship with others, do you not find that relationship is a process of self-revelation? Does not my contact with you reveal my own state of being if I am aware, if I am alert enough to be conscious of my own reaction in relationship?

Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge; in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting, uncomfortable thoughts, activities. Since I do not like what I discover, I run away from relationship which is not pleasant to a relationship which is pleasant.

If you observe yourself in relationship with others, do you not find that relationship is a process of self-revelation?

Therefore, relationship has very little significance when we are merely seeking mutual gratification but becomes extraordinarily significant when it is a means of self-revelation and self-knowledge. After all, there is no relationship in love, is there? It is only when you love something and expect a return of your love that there is a relationship. When you love, that is when you give yourself over to something entirely, wholly, then there is no relationship. If you do love, if there is such a love, then it is a marvelous thing. In such love there is no friction, there is not the one and the other, there is complete unity. It is a state of integration, of complete being. There are such moments, such rare, happy, joyous moments, when there is complete love, complete communion. What generally happens is that love is not what is important but the other, the object of love becomes important; the one to whom love is given becomes important and not the love itself. Then the object of love, for various reasons, either biological, verbal or because of a desire for gratification, comfort and so on, becomes important and love recedes. Then possession, jealousy and demands create conflict and love recedes further and further; the further it recedes, the more the problem of relationship loses its significance, its worth and meaning. Therefore, love is one of the most difficult things to comprehend. It cannot come through an intellectual urgency, it cannot be manufactured by various methods and means and disciplines.

It is a state of being when the activities of the self have ceased; but they will not cease if you merely suppress them, shun them or discipline them. You must understand the activities of the self in all the different layers of consciousness. We have moments when we do love, when there is in thought, no motive, but those moments are very rare. Because they are rare we cling to them in memory and thus create a barrier between living reality and the action of our daily existence. In order to understand relationship it is important to understand first of all what it is, what is actually taking place in our lives, in all the different subtle forms; and also what relationship actually means. Relationship is self-revelation; it is because we do not want to be revealed to ourselves that we hide in comfort, and then relationship loses it extraordinary depth, significance and beauty. There can be true relationship only when there is love, but love is not the search for gratification. Love exists only when there is self-forgetfulness, where there is complete communion, not between one or two, but communion with the highest; and that can only take place when the self is forgotten.

Pleasure, Happiness and Love Should Be Unconditional!
Love in the present day context is not compassion but attachment. Pleasure for us is not pleasure but escape and release. Therefore our pleasure, our happiness and our ‘love’ are conditioned! One will allow himself to be happy if that girl tells him she loves him, and that will be a great release, a great pleasure with the emphasis on relief. For that reason we cannot find happiness in everyday events and people that surround us, because we have narrowed the target to certain goals of pleasure as escape. And when we cannot escape into pleasure, we try force to bring about that escape. And when that doesn’t success, we get depressed.

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